When best friends turn to enemies

Hey, I'm back for once

Feels like a long time since I posted here, but I've been busy living, loving and losing. Especially losing, a lot. All my old friends, they're gone, became strangers on the streets.
I hosted a barbecue party last Saturday, I did invite them, but they didn't came. I was so scared no one would come, but in the end of the evening I found myself surrounded by 25 others, friends to me, family to me. People who actually did care, who actually wanted to come. So I'm happy now I guess.
When I brought Dave back to the bus, I saw my old friends sitting in the grass, smoking grass. I said hello and walked on by, like greeting acquaintances. It weren't the people I grew up with any more, the ones I once loved till dead.

About loving, there are two totally different stories. The first is about a guy in a band, who became a good friend of mine. I did like him, but he's so distant. I think I'll keep it at friendship. If I put some more effort in it, took the time to get him to get to know me better, it could possibly work out. But I don't want to live in maybes, I want to live in reality.
On the other side there's a guy who does the light at my local stage. I started to work as a volunteer there, about a year and a half ago, because he told me it was great working there. We became friends somewhere last December. Now, somewhere between our laughs and endless talks on-line until deeply into the night, we've gotten to grow feelings for each other. Ones we want to, but can't, deny. He's working as a safety guard on the beach the coming month, some place far away from here. I wonder what will happen, especially because I'm still dealing with feelings for 'friend-in-band.' But as the days pass, my feelings shift.
What will it be? Friend-in-band or friend-doing-light? Or just maybe none, maybe I'm just pretending there are any feelings and I'm just getting desperate after not having a relation for 9 months.

I feel so old, even though I just turned 17. I'm moving out by the end of this year and it pretty much scares me. I never imagined how living my own life would be. I always was dependant on everyone, now there's going to be a day I've got to do it all alone.

Well, I'll start packing my bag and heading towards school. You'll hear from me as soon as anything changes.

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