due to sleep deprivation.

I've realized that I have some ridiculous ambitions. Of course, almost everyone does. Here are some of mine: 1. Get into a nice college absolutely nowhere near here. 2. Have enough AP classes so that when I get there, I'll be counted as a sophomore when I'm a freshman, and therefore graduate earlier. Actually, that's not that crazy for me as of now. I have a friend who did that. I don't have too long... scary. 3. Get somewhere with this band and prove all those people who said we couldn't wrong. 4. Change someone's life. 5. Change the world.

On second thought, most of those aren't too crazy. Then again, I'm often considered relentlessly optimistic. As much as I hate saying this, I honestly think I've matured quite a bit over the past year or so. Although, I'm afraid that I have the heart of a six year old, hence putting the spongy dinosaurs in the toilet, and I doubt that will ever change, yet it's not necessarily a bad thing. A little more than half a year ago, I almost died. Since then, I've found new meaning to life and learned that there's always tomorrow, and that I don't have to act, look, or think like anyone else. A few months ago, I thought I was being different, yet I was still clinging to a group of people that were all the exact same. I think I've begun to understand people, and possibly even myself just a little bit more.

Many will say that you don't have to love everyone. Yet I think I do, somehow. Even as bad as a person may seem, there's got to be some good in them somewhere. Yes, I love you even if I don't know you at all. I do realize I'm excessively strange. I do not hate any person in this world, I might just strongly dislike some of their actions.

The world, in general, fascinates me. Next year, I hope to meet more people and possibly travel some. All I know for sure is that I need a change of scenery. I only have a few years left in this city, though. I need a roadtrip that lasts for a month or a few. We totally need a DF roadtrip, for those of us in it. Bring about 60 people. Go all over the country. Someone go get a bus driver's permit and a bus. Next summer. Totally. Kayla (glassspiderwebs on the DF and twitter) and I have already discussed this, and we officially declare it to be one of the best ideas ever. :) Drive all over the country and pick 50-or-so people up, go random places all over the US for a few week. Or a month. Or a few. How to acquire the proper funds for this, how to actually and realistically plan this out, and how to convince the parents that this is the best idea ever and they should let me go, I have yet to know, but seriously.

Someday.

Love,
Izzy

(1 hour and 57 minutes until the next decade! :D)

why must you confuse me so?

A girl who I thought was my friend just called me to rant about me being mad at her for lying and she said that I never had proof that she was lying. I'm not an idiot. Scratch that. XD I'm not as much of an idiot as to keep trusting someone when they say amazing, highly improbable things about themselves and what they're going to do, not like they want to be the best musician ever, but when they say they're traveling across the world with my friends. Especially when they have nothing at all to prove it. Like when things just start getting flat-out ridiculous. I told her that I just don't really care anymore. She said something like "You do care. You know what? You're not right. You're never right." I laughed loudly and said goodbye.

How I described that might have sounded like I was the mean one and didn't let her talk or give her a second chance. I did listen. I've given her a third chance, fourth chance, one thousandth chance, even. But does she ever show any regret for past actions? Ever say "I'm really sorry about how I've lied to you so many times. I know it hurt your feelings and I hope we can still be friends."? Nope. Not once. I've known this girl since kindergarten. I'm not the one that instigated problems in this friendship. True friends don't lie to make the other person feel bad. True friends don't pretend to be other people and say things to you and try to hurt your feelings, and say that your best friends, whom you have absolute faith and trust in, said bad things about you.

Let's walk away and forget, then. Because I truly don't care at all. So much in my life has killed my emotions and feelings to the point where I'm emotionless or really apathetic half the time.

Anyways, I hope to go to a therapist soon. My mom and I think I have depression. I have a lot of other things wrong with me, probably. No, and I'm not being a hypochondriac. That's my granny's job.

I aspire to have a happier post next time.

♥ Izzy.

[Edit: she called me a few minutes ago and said she was sorry and now we're ok.

And to end on a lighter note, on Saturday, while we were in Disney World, someone was skywriting about Jesus, and Zach thought it said something about PMS. I don't know why I thought of that.]