due to sleep deprivation.

I've realized that I have some ridiculous ambitions. Of course, almost everyone does. Here are some of mine: 1. Get into a nice college absolutely nowhere near here. 2. Have enough AP classes so that when I get there, I'll be counted as a sophomore when I'm a freshman, and therefore graduate earlier. Actually, that's not that crazy for me as of now. I have a friend who did that. I don't have too long... scary. 3. Get somewhere with this band and prove all those people who said we couldn't wrong. 4. Change someone's life. 5. Change the world.

On second thought, most of those aren't too crazy. Then again, I'm often considered relentlessly optimistic. As much as I hate saying this, I honestly think I've matured quite a bit over the past year or so. Although, I'm afraid that I have the heart of a six year old, hence putting the spongy dinosaurs in the toilet, and I doubt that will ever change, yet it's not necessarily a bad thing. A little more than half a year ago, I almost died. Since then, I've found new meaning to life and learned that there's always tomorrow, and that I don't have to act, look, or think like anyone else. A few months ago, I thought I was being different, yet I was still clinging to a group of people that were all the exact same. I think I've begun to understand people, and possibly even myself just a little bit more.

Many will say that you don't have to love everyone. Yet I think I do, somehow. Even as bad as a person may seem, there's got to be some good in them somewhere. Yes, I love you even if I don't know you at all. I do realize I'm excessively strange. I do not hate any person in this world, I might just strongly dislike some of their actions.

The world, in general, fascinates me. Next year, I hope to meet more people and possibly travel some. All I know for sure is that I need a change of scenery. I only have a few years left in this city, though. I need a roadtrip that lasts for a month or a few. We totally need a DF roadtrip, for those of us in it. Bring about 60 people. Go all over the country. Someone go get a bus driver's permit and a bus. Next summer. Totally. Kayla (glassspiderwebs on the DF and twitter) and I have already discussed this, and we officially declare it to be one of the best ideas ever. :) Drive all over the country and pick 50-or-so people up, go random places all over the US for a few week. Or a month. Or a few. How to acquire the proper funds for this, how to actually and realistically plan this out, and how to convince the parents that this is the best idea ever and they should let me go, I have yet to know, but seriously.

Someday.

Love,
Izzy

(1 hour and 57 minutes until the next decade! :D)

The Despair Faction

Although I know you don't have to write about AFI related things here, I just wanted to share this entry I made in another blog of mine.

Tonight I visited the Thirty Seconds To Mars (one of my all time favorite bands) forum for only the second time, and I was looking through posts and rules, but I wasn't able to stay for very long. The rules were amazingly strict sounding and unwelcoming. I was seriously repelled. Although the posters were nice enough, I felt like I was reading a book, starting with the last chapter when I read through some of the topics. I couldn't get into it at all. It just seemed like a group of online friends talking, it didn't really seem like anything more (although avid posters of this forum may tell me differently, and I respect that, this was just my first impression).

The Despair Faction boards are the complete opposite. I never felt our of place, or alone there (I love how people often greet new members with "Welcome to the family"). Most people on the boards are wonderfully patient and will gladly help you if you have any problems. They don't put up with crap of coarse, and will tell you when your wrong... but it feels like a family. Even though I'm still not super close to any of them, I feel very at home. I feel connected to them. They are all very intelligent people, but usually don't show off or try to act like they are better than they really are. I have gotten into a few arguments, but nothing major or unforgivable.

I've always felt closer to AFI as a band. They do so much for their fans, and it's extremely apparent that they want to be as close to their fans as possible. After all, we are a faction, a family, and we are in this together. They seem to very much realize this. The BEGINTRANSMISSION contest is just one more way of them showing they care and want to meet their fans. Plus, their lyrics are just so personal, there isn't a single AFI song that I can't relate to. Their music makes you feel like your not alone, that someone has been through exactly what you've been through, and that it is possible to come out of the other side.

I want to become a DF member very soon, and the next time I get my hands on thirty dollars it will be the first thing I do. Just so I become an official member of this family, for life. It's an exceptionally small price to pay really.

To The Despair Faction: I love you all and I will hopefully be joining officially very soon!
To AFI: You have no idea how much you mean to me, and how much I'm looking forward to Crash Love!