Have you?

Have you ever wanted something so bad and been forced to wait for it. Every day being teased by it.
This is how I feel with Crash Love.

It has been over three years since AFI's last album... And Finally we have a date for number eight.
I'm excited and impatient.


I am more excited about crash love than I am about college.

I'm leaving to Everett, WA tomorrow for a week.

I'm really stoked. My mother and father will also be with me. It's going to be a fun trip. Also, the weather sounds wonderful.

I put a whole bunch of new music into my iPod for the twenty hour drive. Lot's of classical jazz and VNV Nation!

Taking disturbing to a new level. (And homicidal children!)

So.

Leaving for camp in mountains on Sunday for two weeks. Away from chaos. Maybe not. Most likely causing chaos in cabin, with three friends in there with me. We're probably going to be dancing when we're supposed to be sleeping, like a few years ago. Going spelunking (caving!) while at camp. Fun.

Watch me have an allergic reaction to something and then end up in the nurse's office again. They can never figure out what it is. I tell them that it's kind of normal while I'm at camp, and a few minutes later, I'm okay. Extremely weird. But I happen to be getting allergy tested, thankfully. After camp. Insane.

I just finished being a "volunteer" (funny, because it was involuntary) for a camp. Only half a day for five days, but it is really exhausting. I was with the rising first graders. Yes, they are so, so, adorable. When they try to hurt me, first I tell them to stop, and then I say "Okay, stop. Now. Or I will tell your mommy." They get so scared. However, all of the girls will not let go of me. Literally. I mean that. They're always fighting over piggyback rides, and holding my hand wherever we go. I don't mind it too much, because they don't injure me. And then the boys. Dylan won't let go of me either. Yesterday, he kept trying to kill me during the assembly thingy they have by trying to climb on my back. (WTF moment.) And he threw a water balloon, which they were not supposed to throw, at me after we played a game together. One minute he loves me, the next minute he tries to kill me, usually on accident. Fun, as you can imagine. Riley also tries to kill me and most other people in the class. He thinks it's funny, and no one else does. And then Hooker. Yes, there really is a kid named Hooker. He's the really spacey one. I think he might have severe ADD or something. Thankfully, Lilly Gray is his best friend and she always holds his hand and watches him so he doesn't get left anywhere. Cute.

Also, my cousin and I made a bunch of dumb videos today. He's 9. We tried to yesterday, but we ran out of time because he wanted to play guitar hero. I spiked up his hair, and he thought it was really cool looking, and then put foundation on his face so it wouldn't be so pink, cause it looks funny on our camera. Then I showed my aunt, who was watching Twilight, because he looked a lot like Edward Cullen, who disturbs me very much, by the by. [Yes, by the by. Oh how I love Alice In Wonderland and the Cheshire Cat.]

I am in the process of writing another [really long] letter to AFI. I ascribe them to saving my life. There was a time a few months ago when I had what I, and others, believed was chronic depression. I went to a psychologist, and even though she was really nice and tried everything she could, she just couldn't I almost killed myself. I mean I was really, really close to doing it. Then, I decided not to, because I thought of some AFI lyrics. I can't remember exactly what they were, but I believe it was something out of Now The World or God Called In Sick Today. Spontaneous miracle. After that, I started paying more attention to AFI lyrics, and realized that there could be deep meanings in some of the songs, for me, at least. Davey said "Lyrically I write what I feel and believe - nothing more, nothing less." I guess sometimes we feel the same way.

Most of my friends wonder how I'm so happy and optimistic when something bad happens. Anyways, I believe that I've become an optimist because of AFI's music. I love them, meaning being eternally grateful for saving your life, as much as you can love someone that you don't really know. Because without them, I would almost surely be dead/in a mental hospital. I mean that.

Sorry for another excessively long post.

Sometimes I'll be someone, somewhere, somehow,

♥ Izzy

[I make absolutely no sense at all. (Especially when I get nervous. Because then I'll do something like saying "Norway" instead of "drawing" or I'll just repeat things like "somewhere, somehow, something, someone, someway" etc, or start skipping words, or talking in Japanese, German, French, or even sometimes Russian. Haha, I can't speak much Russian, but Julie taught me some.) Or maybe I do. Sometimes. :)]

Graduation.

I graduated High School. 

No.. I do not feel any different than I did a few days ago. 

I do not feel older, wiser, free....er? 

Maybe slightly liberated.. Not really though..

It will probably hit me in a couple of weeks..

When I realize I only have to see people when I chose to see them.

This is going to be awesome.

A side note: I recently discovered how amazing cannoli-s are. 

The only down side is I am lactose intolerant. 

Life can be ironic. 

About the music and the friends

If someone two years ago told me that I'd be spending my days by going to shows, volunteerswork at the local stage and being way to enthousiastic about my friends their bands, I'd laugh at them.
Now, I found out, it works as a drug to me. My volunteerswork is taking almost all of my free weekends, I'm working at metal, drum and bass, house, jazz, hip-hop and all other kind of music shows, standing behind the bar, selling tickets or the garderobe. Because it's in a different town than that I live, I'm sleeping at colleagues houses most of the time, who became my friends. People I talk to on weekly base, who I'm also seeing outside my volunteerswork. Sometimes, when I'm in this town for other reasons, I'm just dropping by there, talking to everyone, drinking a beer with the people there. It became such a big part of my life, that I couldn't imagine doing something else on my friday or saturday evening.
When I'm doing something else it mostly involves going to shows. Sometimes in bigger venues, bands like Less than Jake and Alkaline Trio I saw this year and I'm going to Sick of it All, Atmosphere, Sociale Distortion and Propagandhi the coming 30 days. Sometimes just local gigs or friends bands. My love for the bands of my friends is really big and I'll support them any way possible. We go to bigger shows together and I'm at most of their shows, even if it involves sitting 2 hours or more in a train. Even then, I mostly stay at their place that night, because my home-town is impossible to reach after 12 if you don't have a car.
Like a drug, I became addicted to this life of travelling, working, seeing bands, meeting people. At school, I'm dreaming, writing and thinking about music, the next gigs I'm attending, the festivas I'm going to, upcoming releases, the coming weekend at my volunteerswork. Without, I'm nothing.

I live on my teenage dreams, raging on the volume of control, without this I'm nothing.
Vine Yard - Teenage Dreams
www.myspace.com/wearevineyard

We offer you this new resistance, instead of forcing you into their acceptance
Question Mark - Independant
www.myspace.com/qmcore


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Le Future

I need to stop worrying. My mind is constantly occupied by thoughts of what will happen in the future. if I'll get enough scholarships, if I'll be able to get into the college I need to go to, if my mom and her husband will make it (he's her third husband), and if my father will ever actually get a job. Not to mention the whole financial situation as a whole: my dad is unemployed, my mom has a disability and cannot work, and my stepdad works in the RV industry, and we all know what's happening with that. Will we even have enough money in the future for me to consider college?
Aren't teens supposed to be able to be carefree worryless beings? I certainly don't have that part of being a teenager down yet. I'm surrounded by others of my generation who worry about nothing more profound than if their parents will raise their allowance or if their boyfriend is worth the time.
Ack. I don't even know. Is this entry even worth publishing?

And We Will See How Godless A Nation We Have Become.

That was a totally random title, but I'm hooked on East Jesus Nowhere so OH WELL.
This post is about my four friends.

SILVER:
She's been my friend since last September. We became friends because of, well, Eragon and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (Tibby ♥). She's older than me by a few months and taller than me by a few inches. Her favorite bands are Within Temptation and Evanescence. She also likes AFI and Blaqk Audio (all my fault, I'm dragging her to a concert or two). Silver also loves the TV show Doctor Who (which I now also love) and her favorite book series is Lord of the Rings.
She writes crazy well. I have a minor part in her Doctor Who fanfiction, as the Doctor's companion's assistant. So I don't do much till the second book.
LAst year, we had all the same classes together.

TOKI:
I've been friends with her since October of '08. We became friends through PE class. She's insane and weird and random, she loves Nickelback. I'm forcing her to learn many AFI lyrics this summer so I can also drag her to a concert. She adores manga, especially NAruto and +Anima. And the anime Howl's Moving Castle. Yum, Howl ♥ She's also older than me, but shorter than me.

AIKARA/JADEN:
I became friends with her through Toki, and we've been hanging since December or January. She fueled my love of Afee (I'd already heard GNG and Silver And Cold, but she played Toki PRelude 12/21 and Toki played it for me and got me hooked...). She draws insanely well.
She is a lover of all things Jade, Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, and Helena Bonham Carter. She's also the only one of my friends who can symphasize with my Red Hot Chili Peppers obsession.
I won't have to drag her to a concert, XD. I'm also going to the Green Day concert with her, Shika, and my mom!
We sometimes play the AFI game. She's always Jade, I'm always Davey.

SHIKAMARU-HIME (Shika):
I became friends with her through Jaden and Toki. We started hanging out in January, during and after the local ComiCon. I have no clue what her favorite band is, but I think it may be Green Day.
She also draws pretty well.

So these are people I'll be talking about in my posts. BTW, Silver and Jaden totally hate eachother and Toki really annoys Silver, so...

--Suki