Renewal...

I started school this week in (possibly) the preppiest school in town. I went in there because I got a scholarship. But I feel kind of out of place because it's filled with girls and boys that think that wearing expensive brands and getting wasted every weekend makes them cool. There is too much people, and I'm just with two friends in my classroom. I hope I'll adapt soon enough :/ So far highschool is just Meh for me

Jealousy

I wish there was no human need for it. It quite possibly may be the worst feeling aside from heartache. Especially when you have absolutely nothing to be jealous of. When you know the person you have loves you. When you know that any conversation that person has with another person is purely innocent on their end.

So why do I get jealous? Because the person talks to other people? Because the person can connect with others besides me? Because the person is friends with people who happen to have crushes on the person? What's wrong with me? How could I feel this type of petty jealousy? Is it really just part of being human, or is my head just fucked up? How can I stop?

Now and then

I never thought things would end like they did. But life constantly seems to surprise me.
One using coke, the other smoking weed and drinking, one wanting to become a prostitute, one on the XTC. My old friends fucked-up so much.
And I just sit back and watch them fall, like they never were a part of my life, just some words I read in a book, a scene I saw in a movie. Nothing real, nothing personal.
Reminds me, No Fun At All will play in Netherland in October or something, sure I'm going there.

I went to Propagandhi last Thursday, it was amazing. I love the friends I went with.

Not much to say, but it's a small update ;)

Before sleep...

It's been a long time since I last posted, but today I wanted to share something that happened to me last night.
Do some of you get the weirdest thoughts before sleeping? I spent about an hour thinking of how much I miss one of my friends, even though I know everything that happened was his fault. I felt vurnerable and jaded. I never feel like this when I'm fully awake.
Besides this, my mind drifts off to a whole different world... sometimes happy, sometimes not.

I have decided that I am going to stop consuming dairy products for the week.. and slowly progress to vegan-ism.
It is kind of ridiculous how hard it is to find vegan food. It frightens me that they sneak animal by products into everything now a days. Especially things that one would think could be made with out animals. For instance: Marshmellows, skittles and almost all gummy candy has gelatin in it. This is not necessary.. But have you ever tried to find these products with out gelatin?
I can't seem to find them with out driving at least an hour to a specialty grocery store.
I think it is time for a change.

We're not strange. At all.

I was away at camp. I met my best friend, Piper (yes, it was like kindergarten, where you know someone for a short period of time, and then you're best friends) I don't meet people that I connect with very quickly often. One of my best friends from elementary school, Maddie, was also there. It was like we last saw each other when school got out, but it was actually years without seeing her or talking to her. Maddie has a shade of red hair that I've never seen anyone else with, and you can recognize her in a large crowd. It's so pretty, though.

Speaking of hair: part of my hair is orangey-golden blonde. Sun-In. It sort of bleaches your hair. You probably shouldn't use that stuff unless you have completely blonde hair. You will most likely regret it unless you want (possibly) extremely strange looking orange/golden hair that you can't guess the color of before you use it. My hair looks unnaturally colored, but it doesn't look too strange.

About three weeks ago, right before I went to camp, they cut off two and a half inches of my hair because it looked weird because my hair was kinda burnt at the ends from flat-ironing it so much and there were some split ends. Yes, it surely did need to be trimmed, but two and a half inches? Really? Oh and I got half my hair cut off on Monday. It's only somewhat short, not really really short. If I hadn't had two and a half inches cut off, then my hairdresser said I could have donated my hair. Life can be ironic.

I went spelunking/caving while at camp and one of my good friends, Danielle, who really spaces out sometimes, did not catch me because she somehow 'forgot', and I fell five and a half or six feet in a cave in Middle-of-Nowhere, Virginia. So I fell more feet than I am tall. I, amazingly, didn't get hurt at all. That's definitely not the first time something like this has happened. I jumped out of a tree, from fifteen feet off the ground when I was ten. I measured it.

For "cabin time", in which you... spend time with your cabin, one day we went to the zipline one day, where you have a harness on, and you're connected to a rope and a cable, and basically you fly out of the woods into the lake. I am not necessarily a fan of that. Or really anything that involves falling into water from a high elevation. Anyways, it was dark and cold and icky for anything water-related that day. There was absolutely no chance that I was going on the zipline. When we were out there, it started pouring down rain, so I sat, in a ball, under a tree on a very, very steep hill. One of our counselors, who I really think could be a much better Hannah Montana than Miley Cyrus, (I mean that in a good way) said "What are you doing? You look like some sort of creepy creature." Thus I was known as a creepy creature for the rest of camp. It was hilarious. I guess you had to be there.

Let's share another camp story. So our counselors were at a gas station when they had a night off during camp. Inside the store, there was a lady trying to steal a ham by hiding it under her shirt to look like she was pregnant. Very convincing. I have no idea why they have ham at a gas station... but okay... the ham fell out from under her shirt. Then she said "WHO FRU. DA HAM. AT ME." Sounds like something that should be on Saturday Night Live. (Actually, I think I remember this being a youtube video. I bet they were just pulling our leg.) And about SNL: some of the staff members decided to do these skits for us at one of our nightly assemblies in the gym, and I was one of the few people dying of laughter because not many other people had seen it/everyone was extremely confused. (Yes there are commercials, but it's worth waiting for.)





And I almost died today. I was seriously less than 50 feet from being struck by lightning. And I have other things to say. So if you aren't tired of my senseless, seemingly endless rambling, which to me, sounds highly improbable, then click here.

♥ Izzy

The Despair Faction

Although I know you don't have to write about AFI related things here, I just wanted to share this entry I made in another blog of mine.

Tonight I visited the Thirty Seconds To Mars (one of my all time favorite bands) forum for only the second time, and I was looking through posts and rules, but I wasn't able to stay for very long. The rules were amazingly strict sounding and unwelcoming. I was seriously repelled. Although the posters were nice enough, I felt like I was reading a book, starting with the last chapter when I read through some of the topics. I couldn't get into it at all. It just seemed like a group of online friends talking, it didn't really seem like anything more (although avid posters of this forum may tell me differently, and I respect that, this was just my first impression).

The Despair Faction boards are the complete opposite. I never felt our of place, or alone there (I love how people often greet new members with "Welcome to the family"). Most people on the boards are wonderfully patient and will gladly help you if you have any problems. They don't put up with crap of coarse, and will tell you when your wrong... but it feels like a family. Even though I'm still not super close to any of them, I feel very at home. I feel connected to them. They are all very intelligent people, but usually don't show off or try to act like they are better than they really are. I have gotten into a few arguments, but nothing major or unforgivable.

I've always felt closer to AFI as a band. They do so much for their fans, and it's extremely apparent that they want to be as close to their fans as possible. After all, we are a faction, a family, and we are in this together. They seem to very much realize this. The BEGINTRANSMISSION contest is just one more way of them showing they care and want to meet their fans. Plus, their lyrics are just so personal, there isn't a single AFI song that I can't relate to. Their music makes you feel like your not alone, that someone has been through exactly what you've been through, and that it is possible to come out of the other side.

I want to become a DF member very soon, and the next time I get my hands on thirty dollars it will be the first thing I do. Just so I become an official member of this family, for life. It's an exceptionally small price to pay really.

To The Despair Faction: I love you all and I will hopefully be joining officially very soon!
To AFI: You have no idea how much you mean to me, and how much I'm looking forward to Crash Love!

Have you?

Have you ever wanted something so bad and been forced to wait for it. Every day being teased by it.
This is how I feel with Crash Love.

It has been over three years since AFI's last album... And Finally we have a date for number eight.
I'm excited and impatient.


I am more excited about crash love than I am about college.