Well.

I don't really know anymore.

Things happened, I don't think I'm emotionally or mentally competent anymore, people are being irrational (as always), the world never ceases to greatly exacerbate me, and I'm still the imperfect mess that I'll always be.

As one of my dad's friends said, "Sometimes, I just want to spank myself because I spend so much time brooding and wasting energy over things that don't really matter."

And as a girl in my class (who is also in advanced English) said, "May you please come over here for I can ask you a question?" I have a strong desire to ask a lot of people questions. Those questions that you can't really ask. Such as, "Why did you do this?", "What is your problem?", etc.

When things are said, even if in a facetious way, that should not be said in the current predicament, sometimes more is damaged than known. I consider myself relatively magnanimous, and it's not like it doesn't ever take time for me to forgive people, but there are those who hold grudges for way too long, to the point where it simply turns the situation much worse than it ever needed to be.

I sincerely apologize if I seem terribly morose, but I've just been holding feelings inside for quite a while, and I assume that it's beginning to leak out.

In other news, I've decided that I'm going to learn bass. I'm still going to focus on guitar, yet I want to learn bass because it would be good to know. I plan on buying a Gibson Les Paul Studio, and then a random cheap bass. Cassidy has determined that she, Gina, and I talk extremely loud because we're part Italian. We've also determined that I am Geeky-germaphobic-guitar-Hispanic-nerdy-piano-procrastinating-viola Woman. I looked into my family history. Seriously, 80% of all my female ancestors that I know of are named Maria. We've traced a few people back into the 16th century. :D (Gaspar de Vera was born in 1861 in Nuevo España, Nuevo Leon, Mexico.)

If I combined all my female ancestors' first names and last names in my family that I know of, I would be Ana-Beatrice-Beatrize-Betty-Catilina-Elma-Francesca-Francisca-Gertrudes-Josefa-Juana-Junana-Karin-Lucia-Manuela-Maria-Miranda-Nepomucena-Paula-Teresa-Vicenta

Aragon-Armijo-Baca-Blea-Brito-Castillo-Chapa-Chaves-Clark-Diaz-Duran-de la Fuenta-Garcia-Holguin-Hurtado-de Jesus Ramirez-Jorge-Kropot-Kuczynski-de Losada-Lucero-Madrid-Moya-Nativiad-de Noriega-Parras-Porras-Ramirez-Romero-Sanchez-Sandoval-Segura-Qintana-Tapia-Ulibarri-Urioste-Vallejos-de la Vega-Vela-de Vera-de Verla

If I combined all the male names... :/ you don't want to know. This includes direct ancestors, not aunts or uncles.

Well, now that I wasted a few minutes of your life, I encourage you to go research your family history if you haven't done so already. All I found out is that EVERYONE was Mexican. Except back into the 16th century, there were a few people from Spain and Portugal/etc. It's pretty cool. I'm thinking I'm going to go by Sanchez one day, because that's my mom's maiden name and no one, absolutely no one, can spell or pronounce my last name without help. I've met about three people who could in my lifetime.

I just should change my name to Maria Sanchez. There. Because I don't like my first name either. I think it sounds like an old lady name. And, no, it's not Isabella. You know, I'm just about to completely give up on boys for a while. Or relationships, in general.

I'm such a messed up person.

Oh! And random quote time!

"That's all youth group is. Homosexuality and pain. Because, first, they made us see who could stick their feet in a bucket of ice the longest, and then they got the women counselors and some blindfolded boys had to feel their legs and guess who they were. But then they switched out a few of the women with men. So they made boys feel mens' hairy legs when they thought they were going to touch a woman's leg. That's just cruel and unjust." - Stephen.

Love,
Izzy